Tears in the Journey

Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD. Jeremiah 29:11-14

It's been 11 years. Eleven years ago yesterday I went for a routine OB appointment after a great vacation with my husband to find out there was no heartbeat. Eleven years ago today I had a D&C and it was confirmed that I had a partial molar pregnancy and could develop cancer from the molar pregnancy. It was 11 years ago that my tears were full of grief and pain and worry.

Nine years ago today my eyes were full of grief and pain again. I miscarried again. The same time of year as the first loss. It was hard. I was so thankful for the little one year old we had who kept me racing around the yard after him, but there was still a lot of pain and tears.

Here I am in 2009. We've experienced two more times where we've lost little ones and experienced those tears of pain and tears of confusion - we have asked so many "why" questions of God. Yet, over these now 11 years, we've been blessed with 3 wonderful births which brought tears of joy. We are abundantly blessed with the 5, 7, & 9 year old at our home. God is so faithful
.
And as I've journeyed on this road, I've shed tears for ladies I've known who are grieving - and tears for many ladies whom I've never met. Tears have been shed over their pain and over my desire for them to see God's faithfulness and the healing balm of God's Word as He has shown me. I still shed those tears for ladies today. I praise God that He keeps me sensitive to that pain of those ladies.

So today as my tears fall, I am overwhelmed with tears of joy - not only for our three children here on earth - not only that I have 4 or more surprises in heaven waiting for me to meet one day - but also tears of joy for what God has taught me - how He has molded me through those losses - how He has given me the opportunity to encourage hurting women and their families through a ministry at church.

Yes, over the years there have been many tears. Praise God that He bottles our tears and that He will take the ashes of our lives and turn them towards beauty - eternal beauty. So today I praise Him for this journey that I've now walked on for 11 years and look towards the rest of the journey He has for me and for our family. He is so faithful.

Here is a video of Crystal Lewis singing "Beauty for Ashes" - a song that ministered greatly to my heart in 1998 and encourages me today.

Romans 8:28 Part 3 God's Plan is Active

And we know that all things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Today I'm going to focus on one word - that word is "work." The Greek word used for "work together" is "sunergei" "Sunergei," from which we get the word "synergy" means an active involvement - God is actively working - and even when to us it seems He is silent, He is actively working to bring about His good.

Let's look at a time when it seemed that God was silent. In John 11, the story is recounted of Jesus' friends Martha and Mary. They had sent word to Jesus that their brother Lazarus was sick.


John 11:4- 6 says: When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.

Marth and Mary had surely heard of the times when Jesus healed instantly; yet, Jesus waited. He waited 2 more days until he traveled to Martha and Mary. And in the meanwhile, Lazarus died. Scripture does not tell us what was going through the minds of Mary and Martha, but I can imagine how they felt. They may have felt let down by Jesus. Perhaps they were wondering if Jesus truly loved them. Perhaps they wondered if Jesus can really heal. I'm sure there was lots of emotion and thoughts in their minds and coming out of their mouths. I'm sure they were wondering why Jesus was silent.

When Jesus came to Bethany, scripture tells us that Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days (v17). Verse 20 says that when it was known that Jesus was coming, Martha went out to meet Jesus, but Mary stayed home. I've not noticed that part of this story until tonight. Scripture doesn't tell us why she stayed inside. Just something interesting for us to ponder.

After speaking to Martha and Mary, Jesus asks to go to the tomb of Lazarus. They take Jesus to the tomb and Jesus enters it.

⁴⁰Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

⁴¹So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴²I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me."

⁴³When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" ⁴⁴The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus was silent for a few days. Was He not working? Did He take a vacation or a break? No, His plan was a greater plan - to reveal greater glory to those who saw this miracle and to those who heard and we who can read it. Jesus chose to wait - to seem silent - before he amazingly rose Lazarus from the dead.

God is active - He is working - when we can't see it right now in our life, He is still working. Be patient. Seek Him. Spend time with Him. Study His Word. Confess sin. Seek His face. He cares for you. He is actively working in your life.

I am praying for you as you memorize Romans 8:28 and internalize what you can learn about God's character and God's ways through this verse.

God is active - even when He seems silent. I am praying that you are seeking His anchored hope today, even when you find yourself in the midst of grief. God doesn't ask you to not grieve. He loves you - he bottles your tears - God asks you to look to Him and to trust His plan. Even when you can't see any good in the moment - trust His eternal plan to be working out good.

Here is a song which reminds us about God's character and for us to trust His heart.

PS - there is another blog posting called "Jesus Wept" which talks about John 11 more if you'd like to read it here.

Romans 8:28 Part 2 God's Plan is Beneficial

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

In Part I, we looked at who God's promise of all things working out for good in Romans 8:28. The next four posts will look at four promises for those Christians who have a purpose from the Lord. Those four parts are:

1. God's Plan is Beneficial.

2. God's Plan is Active.

3. God's Plan is Inclusive.

4. God's Plan is Harmonious.

**Please note that these four points are from the book Spiritual Maturity by J. Oswald Sanders - you can find it here.

Now that we know the "who" of Romans 8:28, let’s look at the "what" – what does God promise in the beginning of this verse – I am amazed at how much richness is in just six words – “All things work together for good.”

All things work together for good.

Let’s first focus on “for good” right now. J. Oswald Sanders spends much time in this chapter about what “good” means. What do you think of when you think of a “good” day? I think of my kids behaving well – being loving to each other. I think of my house being clean (and staying clean) all day. I think of lovely weather – of doing something fun with my kids during the day with no conflict involved. I think of lovely family time after my husband arrives and a well cooked meal that was planned weeks ahead of time on my menu plan. I think of no money problems - no recession. No work stress in my husband's life. I think of no stress in family relationships. I think of serving God and all around me working harmoniously. Most of my “good” (if I were in charge of the universe, which thankfully I am not) surrounds lack of conflict, no work, ease, comfort, and pleasure.

I have heard it said that Christians from lower economic parts of our world who visit the US claim that US Christians are so impoverished in their spirituality due to the comforts we enjoy in our culture –comforts we grow to expect and subtly accept as being the norm for those who love and follow the Lord. This way of thinking is not how God views the concept of "good" in the lives of His children. We live in a culture that wants it and wants it now (which has led to the recession, but that's a topic for another posting another day).

Websters defines "good" in the following ways (I am not listing them all due to how many definitions there are for "good") - "possessing desirable qualities; adapted to answer the end designed; promoting success, welfare, or happiness; serviceable; useful; fit; excellent; admirable; commendable; not bad, corrupt, evil, noxious, offensive, or troublesome, etc."

In researching Romans 8:28, I have found two different Greek words for "good." One word is "kalos" - this is a good which is appearance related - "what is beautiful, or what looks good, outward goodness, outward beauty, surface good;" however, the Greek word used for "good" which Paul uses in Romans 8:28 is "agathon" - which means "good in the purest and truest sense." God is concerned with the inside - not the outside. He is creating an internal beauty that no easy life can create. God is working out His agathon - His good.

Paul, the writer of Romans suffered greatly. He spent much time in jail. He did not receive creature comforts while in jail. He had people who were seeking his end everywhere he went. 2 Timothy 2:10 says "Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." He suffered and continued on so that more could know the plan of salvation - so more could know the Lord Jesus Christ as savior.

Paul also says in Phlippians 3:7-9 "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

Paul knew full well what suffering meant. Yet, his seeing the Lord working out good in Paul's life - the fruit of Paul's ministry to others - he saw the Lord working out Paul's sufferings for good. I am sure that it took time. How do you think he felt the first time he went to jail? How do you think he felt the first time he heard someone was out to kill him due to his spreading the gospel? Yet, God equipped Paul through Paul's sufferings for the work God had for Paul to do. God had work in Paul's time (evangelizing then) and beyond Paul's time (the scriptures God wrote through Paul) which God prepared Paul to do.

God is preparing you for work He has for you to do. Now, each person's work is different. And God can grow you for multiple works during a trial. In my case, as I look back on the past 11 years since our first loss, I see how God has used suffering to grow my love for God and His Word. God has used my suffering to grow me to be a better mom (who is still in need of growth there and in process). God has used my suffering to reveal sin in my heart. God has used my suffering to pass on God's compassion to those who are hurting. God's purpose can cover multiple areas of your life for now and for down the road.

I encourage you today to seek out learning about God's agathon - His good. Ask the Lord to give you His comfort, His peace in this process of growing and learning. Look to the anchored hope that is only from the Lord. I pray that today you are able to see glimpses of that hope - that agathon - that good - He is working in your life.

I am praying for you. Have you memorized Romans 8:28 yet? Print it out - put it in your pocket - tape it to your bathroom mirror. Write "agathon" down and place it around your house - perhaps someone will inquire to its meaning and you can share about what you are learning about God's goodness today.

Romans 8:28 Part 1

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Romans 8:28 is a verse I hear quoted frequently in the Christian community. When I ponder our past losses, I remember things friends said – dear friends – some who had not had a loss – and sometimes from friends who have had losses. It’s a cliché that often pops out of the mouth of caring sisters in Christ. “It was not God’s Will” – well, obviously it was not God’s Will for the baby to live; otherwise, it would have lived – sometimes I wanted to scream that in their face – obviously I did not and obviously they did not intend to say something that did not help me in my grief. I often encourage those who are grieving to continually give their friends grace. Overlook well meaning things people say that don't really help.

Yet God's Word is full of healing balm for your grieving soul. Romans 8:28 is full of the richness – of the fullness of God and His plan – His hope. Let’s look at it more closely today.

Before I break down this passage, let me reference a book that I just started reading with a group of ladies at church. It’s title is Spiritual Maturity by J. Oswald Sanders. Chapter one “The Overruling Providence of God” is where I am getting this content in regards to Romans 8:28. If you’d like to purchase a copy, I like to use Christianbook.com – here is the link for this book on their site.

First, let’s focus on the “who” of this verse. Who is it that things work out for the good? Is this something every person on earth can claim? This verse does not mean that everything works out for the good of everyone. No, it says “for the good of those who love him” and those “who have been called according to his purpose.”

“For the good of those who love him” shows us that those people who love God and are in relationship with God are those people whom this verse refers to. How do you know if you love God – if you are in relationship with God? Do you believe that God is holy? That He is the great creator? Do you believe that all humanity sins – that you sin – that you are not holy and that God cannot allow anything unholy into His presence? Do you believe that God sent His son, Jesus, to die for your sins – and that He raised on the 3^rd day because He has power over death? Have you asked Jesus to be the front center of your life? If so, you are a person who loves God. God loves and cares for His people.

Secondly – those “who have been called according to his purpose.” Being a child of God doesn’t just mean only that you are a child of God – God has a purpose for you being in His family. There is relationship. Now, suppose and earthly father is quite rich and has many children. Those children could, due to their earthly father’s bank account, sit around and have fun and do nothing; however, a loving father gives his children jobs to do - He gives them a purpose. God does this. Everything that occurs in life will eventually bring about the glory of God. He has given you a purpose – a job to do. If you are a child of God, He has a purpose and a plan for your life. Part of His purpose in my life has been to encourage women, especially women who have suffered the loss of babies in their lives. He equipped me for this purpose by allowing me to experience four losses. It takes time, but for His children, He eventually works out hardship for good. Claim that promise right now!

So, now we know who it is that claim the promise of Romans 8:28. If you are still wondering if this promise is for you, I encourage you to check out this site here to go through the plan of salvation. I encourage you to seek out a friend, a pastor, a church who is committed to the Bible as being God’s Word and to ask questions about becoming part of God’s family – accepting Christ as your Savior.

Next we will look at the first of four promises for those who are in God's Family - four points of hope which you can look towards in your grieving. Please know that your grieving is close to my heart and I am lifting you up to the Lord in your grieving. I encourage you to dig into His Word and to choose one verse to put around your house to focus on - if you'd like some examples, you can look at my posting on verses of hope here. And I encourage you to start memorizing Romans 8:28.

Press On

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:12-14

I am planning on writing more about this scripture later today; however, feel led to post the scripture, song and lyrics this morning before I head out with the kids.

I am praying for you in your grieving. I encourage you to spend time in His Word and in prayer with the Lord today.


Press On performed by Selah

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

Chorus:
In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
To press on

The Lifter of My Head

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head (Psalm 3:3).

There have been times that only the Words of the Lord are what lift my head. Are you finding your head down today? Look to the Lord. He is a shield around you. He will lift your head.

When King David wrote this Psalm, he was running away from his son Absolom who was trying to take the throne from King David.

Charles Spurgeon, a great English Pastor spoke on Psalm 3 in a sermon titled "The Treasury of David. You can find the entire text here.

Here is what Spurgeon says about Psalm 3:3

Verse 3. Here David avows his confidence in God. "Thou, O Lord, art a shield for me." The word in the original signifies more than a shield; it means a buckler round about, a protection which shall surround a man entirely, a shield above, beneath, around, without and within. Oh! what a shield is God for his people! He wards off the fiery darts of Satan from beneath, and the storms of trials from above, while, at the same instant, he speaks peace to the tempest within the breast. Thou art "my glory." David knew that though he was driven from his capital in contempt and scorn, he should yet return in triumph, and by faith he looks upon God as honouring and glorifying him. O for grace to see our future glory amid present shame! Indeed, there is a present glory in our afflictions, if we could but discern it; for it is no mean thing to have fellowship with Christ in his sufferings. David was honoured when he made the ascent of Olivet, weeping, with his head covered; for he was in all this made like unto his Lord. May we learn, in this respect, to glory in tribulations also! "And the lifter up of mine head"—thou shalt yet exalt me. Though I hang my head in sorrow, I shall very soon lift it up in joy and thanksgiving. What a divine trio of mercies is contained in this verse!—defence for the defenceless, glory for the despised, and joy for the comfortless. Verily we may well say, "there is none like the God of Jeshurun."

My prayer for you today is that you would know that the Lord is the shield for you and the lifter of your head. The following song touched my heart this past Sunday at church (wish I had a video of our church choir - they are amazing). I pray the song touches your heart. Remember - it's not your job to lift your head - look to the Lord - He is the true lifter of your head - you cannot do it in your own strength.

I am praying for you.

Nicole


Thou, Oh Lord by Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

Thou, Oh Lord
Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no helpe for him in God

But thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

Repeat

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me


Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

Repeat Twice

A gift for healing

My friend Alice is a gifted artist. She has experienced the loss of a stillborn. You can read about her here. Out of her grief of loss of her daughter, Grace, she created a beautiful pencil drawing of Jesus rocking a baby in heaven. She then had a company take that artwork and create a beautiful pewter medallion. I recommend her artwork for you to buy for yourself or for you to send to a grieving friend. Her website main page is here. She also has beautiful art work for other occasions. The Lord has gifted her with great artistic talent along with a great heart for people and a great heart for the Lord to be glorified.

I've just noticed that there are variations on the artwork - there is one drawing with an African American baby. There is also a drawing that has twins in Jesus' arms. You can see them all here.

Books and Resources for loss

I have compiled a list of books (the descriptions are copied and pasted from Christianbook.com 's description. After each book description, I've added a short text with extra comments. All of these books have been helpful at ministering to me and I've heard positive comments from others as well.

Holding on to Hope by Nancy Guthrie
Description: Shunning platitudes and easy answers, Nancy Guthrie deals head-on with the issues experienced by those who are going through suffering and loss. Through lessons drawn from the story of Job in the Bible, and the experience of losing her infant daughter, Hope, Nancy gently challenges readers to embrace suffering as a means of discovering a more meaningful relationship with God. Holding On To Hope offers an uplifting perspective, not only for those experiencing monumental loss, but for anyone going through difficulty and failure. Ms. Guthrie's story of losing her daughter Hope is woven beautifully throughout, adding a richness and credibility lacking in most books on suffering. After finishing the manuscript, the author added an epilogue that deals with an additional devastating loss--the death of her infant son Gabriel who died of the same disease that took her daughter Hope.

This book is a wonderful resource for the person/couple who is wanting to find a Biblical way to deal with the grief of their loss. This book has been very comforting to me in how I handle my grief from a Biblical viewpoint. I highly recommend this to anyone wanting to dig into God’s Word to work through their grief in a Biblical way.

For Those Who Hurt by Charles R. Swindoll
Description: Swindoll offers you words of hope about the painful subject of suffering. His look at Scripture encourages you or others you know who are struggling with grief to look to the God of all comfort for the meaning behind painful circumstances. Full-color nature photography enhances the inspiring message of this thoughtful gift book. 48 pages, paper from Zondervan.

*This is a great book for anyone suffering a trial - not just for loss of a baby. Great little book to encourage someone hurting. The ministry I work with also uses this book to minister to women suffering infertility.

Losing You Too Soon by Bernadette Keaggy
Description: Five months into her first pregnancy, Bernadette Keaggy, wife of Christian musician Phil Keaggy gave birth to three beautiful sons, but tragically they were stillborn. The Keaggys' experience mirrors that of many who have experienced stillbirth or miscarriage and don't know where to turn for hope and healing. In this book, Bernadette writes with candor about the hurt and confusion that shook her, Phil, and their marriage as they dealt with the eventual loss of five babies. Her story does not offer simple solutions, but an example of finding the strength and courage to go on. Interspersed with the Keaggys' story is practical advice for dealing with and recovering from loss. Poignant letters from other couples reveal different facets of grief and coping. Many people who have experienced such a loss know how hard it is to find someone who can truly understand what they are going through. For such readers, or those who seek to comfort them, this book is a source of profound encouragement and a reminder that God promises grace and hope in the midst of even the deepest pain.

*This book is comforting to read how a Christian couple has dealt with their grief and trusting God in giving them children. It's not sold on Christianbook.com, but Amazon lists other sellers who sell it.

Safe in the Arms of Jesus: God’s Provision for the Death of Those Who Cannot Believe by Robert P. Lightner
Description: Writing with a father's tenderness and the confident knowledge of a Bible scholar, Dr. Lightner brings comfort to parents who grieve. He goes beyond words of consolation to the truth that brings peace, explaining God's provision for the death of little ones who were unable to believe, either because they were too young or because they were mentally disabled.

*This book is helpful for anyone who is wanting Biblical truth in the salvation of their baby.

Broken Road

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

What does "broken" mean? I looked up the definition of "broken" and found the following definitions:

• reduced to fragments; fragmented
• changing direction abruptly
• fragmentary or incomplete
• interrupted, disrupted, or disconnected
• weakened in strength, spirit

Broken is from the perspective of the person who is deciphering the situation. From my perspective, when my husband and I experienced our losses, our situation was broken. I could only see a tiny part of the big picture for my plan. In my eyes, death meant brokenness. Loss of dreams and expectations meant brokenness. I felt fragmented. I felt weakened in spirit. I felt broken. Are you feeling that way today? If so, let's look at the anchored hope that God has for you in your broken road.

God plans our steps as Proverbs 16:9 tells us. God knew the road my husband & I would take on our journey towards children. He had a master plan - it wasn't the plan I would have planned, but as I look back on the road, it's an even better plan than I could have imagined. He has grown me in my faith greatly. He has equipped me for ministry to others. He has given me a purpose and a great plan. He is abundantly good. But I would not be where I am now if it were not for the "broken" road I've been on in the past.

Do you feel broken today? God is there to listen to your broken heart. Psalm 34:18ays "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." God will bless your broken road. Look to Him and to His Word. He sees the big picture - He has a master plan - He will restore the time of grief - I have felt that restoration personally. Here is some scripture that speaks to me in a powerful way:

^{25 -27} "I'll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation— Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom, That great locust invasion
I sent your way. You'll eat your fill of good food.
You'll be full of praises to your God, The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised. You'll know without question
that I'm in the thick of life with Israel, That I'm your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Joel 2:25-27 The Message

God's ways are not our ways. God's plans are not our plans. And I praise God that my agenda isn't His agenda. His plan is abundantly better. Yes, He has allowed a broken road in your life. It's ok to grieve. But don't give up that anchored hope that He has an abundant plan for your life. He will take that broken road and lead you to a deeper faith in Him - to lead you to a life that He has for you. A life that is abundantly good.

Here is a song I came upon today which speaks to me - may it remind you of God's plan for your life - that He determines your steps and has allowed you down the broken road that leads you straight to Him and to His abundant life for you.

Bless the Broken Road by Selah

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign, pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I’d like to take the time I lost, and give it back to you

But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there, you understand
It’s all part of his grander plan, that is coming true

Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

Now I’m just rolling home
Into your loving arms
This much I know, is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

Experiential Knowledge

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as^[c] the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive.
John 7:37-39

This morning I was listening to Dr. David Jeremiah. I am sure I didn't catch the quote exactly, but what I wrote down to remember was the following: God will not put us in a situation where He cannot sustain you. He will show Himself strong. He will give you experiential knowledge that will show you that you can do anything with His help.

As the verses from John 7 tell us, Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit to equip us and sustain us in our daily living. The Holy Spirit gives us streams of living water. Often in my humanness, I look for streams of water in other places - in hobbies, in other people, in stuff, in activities. Yet, the Lord has designed us to draw from His living water. Sometimes in order for us to draw from His streams of living water, He allows circumstances that brings us into valleys, where we can thirst for the Lord instead of the longing for drinks that don't fully satisfy.

I heard the below song today on the radio - waves of thankfulness rushed through my body - tears streamed down my eyes. I am honestly thankful for the valleys which I've gone through - especially those valleys of our four losses. Without those losses, I would not have experienced so much joy in ministering to others and in cherishing the blessings God has given to me. God has truly taken me from the valley and brought me to rivers of joy.

And now that I've had the experiential knowledge of seeing how God takes the valleys and brings rivers of joy, I find that I can draw from his strength and look to Him with greater hope than before. The combination of seeing how God has worked in the past in the lives of those in the Bible combined with my experience, grows my faith.

Now, I would not have used the word "thankful" while in the midst of heavy grieving. Please do not think that. Do not think that you need to feel thankful in the midst of heavy grief. Look to the Lord and His Word and in time you will be able to see how He's making something beautiful of the valley and you'll find rivers of joy. Look daily - moment by moment - He is surrounding you with things to be thankful for - spend some time thanking Him today. Even when we don't feel thankful, when we take time to focus on thankfulness, the feelings will eventually come. Everything takes time.

I pray this song blesses you.

I am praying for you.

Nicole






Valley Song by Jars of Clay

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus x2

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Chorus

Yeah

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

Chorus (4 Xs)

Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
Mercy
Your mercy

Remembering our little ones in heaven

Dear ladies. I've been doing much reflecting these last couple of weeks. The time of spring is one of my favorite times of the year. Spring is so alive with hope and new life. There have been times, though, in the past decade of my life where spring has been bittersweet. You see, three of our precious little ones in heaven were expected to arrive in late April and in early May.

I've noticed in the past decade how grief crescendos for a while, but over time, the Lord's healing balm helps the grief to subside. It has a general pattern over time to decrescendo over time. It doesn't seem to completely go away, and at times surprises can cause that grief to creep up again; however, God is faithful. He has a great master plan. I've found that the more I look to Him - to who He truly is - to how He truly works - that the grief is overtaken with the joy of the Lord. I am one who is speaking as one who has been there. Please know there is hope. God knew your loss would happen. He allowed it. He has a great master plan for your life. Look to Him.

Also remember that He is the one who bottles your tears - He does not ask that you not cry or not grieve. Look to Him - He loves you and will comfort you so that He can grow you and one day you will extend that comfort to others who are grieving.

I love you ladies - I've been lifting you up to the Lord this week and weekend.

Nicole

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8 NLT

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Remembering...

I just wrote the writing below to send to friends to ask them to pray for you dear ladies and for others who find Mother's Day a difficult time. I pray the Lord is ministering to you right now. Seek out His Word. It is healing balm for a hurting heart.

Love,
Nicole

Dear Friends, it is Mother’s Day. A day of rejoicing, right? Dear Friends, today I call on you to remember and pray for a group of ladies who are hurting, especially on Mother’s Day.

Throughout my day today I have been praying for these ladies.

I’ve been praying for the mom who is grieving the loss of her baby through miscarriage – and many may not have even known about that precious life. It’s a hard grief. She is remembering her hopes and dreams for that little one. Even though she never got to hold this little one, she is remembering…

I’ve been praying for the mom who experienced stillbirth. The world has gone on, but she still remembers. She misses that little precious life. She’s remembering…

I’ve been praying for that mom who has experienced infant loss. She longs to hold that precious little one again. She misses him/her. And for her, much of the world has gone on as well. Today she is remembering and missing her little one…

I’ve been praying for the woman who is struggling to have a child. She is grieving the struggle of infertility. She desires to add a child or another child to their family. She is remembering her hopes and dreams for their family…

I’ve been praying for that mom of an older child who is now with Jesus. It doesn’t make sense to her why the Lord took him/her early. She’s grieving and remembering….

I’ve been praying for the mom whose child died as an adult. We parents expect we’ll be the ones to go first. But that wasn’t God’s plan. That mom is remembering and also grieving for those other family members who are also grieving…

I’ve been praying for the children who won’t get to hug their mommy today. They are remembering and missing her….

I’ve been praying for the adult children who won’t get to tell their mom they love her today. They are remembering…

I’ve been praying for those moms who are seeing their child suffering and perhaps will lose that child soon. Praying for a blessed Mother’s Day with that child. A day full of precious memories…

I’ve been praying for those children whose mom is suffering and perhaps will lose that mom soon. Praying for a blessed Mother’s Day with their mom. A day full of precious memories…

Today can be a very hard day. Let’s take time to remember these grieving people today.

Let’s pray Psalm 147:3 for them: "He [the LORD] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Let’s pray that they will look to the Lord to heal them – that they will grow to see God as He truly is. That they will look beyond the ashes and look towards the beauty the Lord has for them down the road.

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:3

As one who has had bittersweet Mother’s Days in the past due to my grieving babies who have gone to be with the Lord, I thank you for your prayers for these women, men, and children. I praise God that He has revealed to me the beauty for those times of grief and ashes. My prayer is that those who are grieving would be encouraged that God does have a big plan for their life and that this current grief is for but a season – He has a crown of beauty waiting for their future.

I Can Hear Your Voice

Good evening dear ladies. Please forgive me my quietness. I struggle with busyness of our family. Would you ask the Lord to help me with my time management? I long so spend time blogging, yet know that God wants me to put Him first and then my family second. I have not forgotten you and have continued to lift you up in my prayers.

Tonight I listened to a Michael W Smith song. It spoke to my heart and I desire to share it with you. But first, let’s look at the Word of God.

Jesus meets a woman at a well in John Chapter 4. She is there to get water and is there alone. She is a woman who has been living with men who are not her husband. Jesus talks to her at the well and she is amazed at what He knows about her. For the full account, read it here. Jesus tells her about living water that will never make her thirst again.

13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Another passage that talks about water from God is found in Jeremiah 17:7-8

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

Dear ladies, dig deep into the Word of God. It is living water to your thirsty soul. When Jesus gives you the water of eternal life, it wells up within you. Yet, we can’t sit stagnant. We have to dig into His Word and trust in Him. The Bible helps us to learn about Him and to remind our feeble minds about His goodness, His mightiness, His holiness.
The song I’m going to share also talks about Jesus singing over me. Did you know dear ladies that the Lord rejoices over you? Now, the Lord is not dependent on our choices. Yet, our following Him. Our allowing Him to be Lord over our lives, he rejoices in that.

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

As you listen to this lovely song by Michael W Smith, thank the Lord for His living water. Remember that He loves you. He has a plan for you. No matter how difficult the circumstances. No matter how many tears you’ve cried today. The Lord is there for you. Come close to Him. Feel His touch. Let His touch heal your heart today. Let Him restore and renew.

I love you ladies – I am praying for you in your grieving. I have seen His faithfulness. He is faithful.



Michael W Smith – I Can Hear Your Voice
I'm in the river that flows from your throne
Water of Life
Water of Life
It Covers me and I breath again
Your love is breath to my soul

I can hear Your voice as You sing over me
It's Your song of Hope breathing life into me
I can feel Your touch as I come close to You
And it heals my heart
You restore and renew

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe. Proverbs 18:10

I have a pretty busy day, but feel the Lord leading me to post this song - the words are powerful - look to God - look to His plan. It's hard to say it in the midst of grief, but I have come to find the truth and the joy of "nothing on earth compares to the promise I have in You" Jesus. Let His comfort and shelter be your tower of strength today. I encourage you to spend some time praising Him with this song and then go to His Word to be filled today.

I am praying for you.

Nicole

Remember Surrender

This morning I was getting ready for Bible Study and listening to Sara Groves - a favorite artist of mine. The song Remember Surrender touched my heart. I am a first born, Type A, person who wants to always be in control. And I have to day by day, minute by minute turn that control over to the Lord Jesus - I am not in control. He is. Last night I was studying Colossians and read the following which looks at the Supremacy of Christ:

The Supremacy of Christ Colossians 1:15-20

¹⁵He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. ¹⁹For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, ²⁰and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

Everything is created by Christ and for Christ. He is in control. I am not. It is my job to surrender my own desire for control - to acknowledge that it is His and His alone. I pray this song touches your heart today and that God's Word is permeating your thoughts as you are reminded to surrender to the Lord today - He is good and faithful. He has a plan for your life - a good plan. He sees the big picture - you can only see but a small piece of that picture. I am praying for you as you are grieving today. Look to His Word - His anchored hope today. Remember to surrender.

Remember Surrender - Sara Groves

Remember Surrender

By Sara Groves

Remember surrender
Remember the rest
Remember that weight lifting off of your chest
And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was

Remember surrender
Remember relief
Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks
As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in

I want to do that again
Why can't I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember

Remember surrender
Remember peace
Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep
In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun

Remember surrender
Remember that sound
Of all of those voices inside dying down
But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within

I want to do that again
Why can't I live there
And make my home
In sweet surrender
I want to do so much more than remember
Remember
Oh surrender

Made Me Glad

A song that was sung often at our church after our last loss in 2006 was "Made Me Glad" by Darlene Zschech. Here are the lyrics:

I will bless the Lord forever
And I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all fear
And he has set my feet upon a rock

And I will not be moved
And I'll say of the Lord....

You are my shield
My strength
My portion
Deliverer
My shelter
Strong tower
My very present help in time of need

Whom have I in Heaven but you?
There's none I desire beside you
You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord....

CHORUS:

You are my shield
My strength
My portion
Deliverer
My shelter
Strong tower
My very present help in time of need

REPEAT CHORUS

You have me glad
And I'll say of the Lord....

REPEAT CHORUS x 2

My very present help in time of need (TO FADE)

You can see a beautiful video to the song here.

Here is some scripture that speaks powerfully to me - it reminds me of God's goodness and that he is my shield and my fortress.

I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

Even in your grieving, I am praying that you are seeing God being your stronghold and your fortress. Dear one, cling to Him – look to His Word. One day your heart will leap for joy – even if it seems impossible today. Just keep reading His Word – even when you don’t feel the hope – Believe it – the feeling will eventually get there. Trust God and who He is. I am praying for you tonight. Dig into His Word - it is healing hope for you today - the true anchored hope.

Nicole

Verses of Comfort and Hope

This list of verses was given to me at a MOPS meeting just after our last loss – God’s timing is perfect – it was the perfect topic for me that week. I pray God’s Word will be healing balm to your grieving heart today. I am praying for you.

Nicole

Verses of Comfort and Hope

(New Living Translation)

Psalm 9:9-10 The LORD is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 139: 16-18 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!

Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Lamentations 3:19-24 The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!"

Romans 8:38-39 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

1 John 4:9-10 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

Jesus Wept

It's the shortest verse in the Bible. "Jesus Wept." Have you wept today? There are many reasons we weep and cry. Many moms are weeping today over the baby they did not meet, or the child who went to be with the Lord earlier than they had hoped. Where is hope for them, for you, today? Be assured that Jesus knows what it's like to weep and to cry. "Jesus wept." John 11:35.

In John Chapter 11, we see Jesus coming to the tomb of Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary. Martha and Mary loved Jesus. They had asked him to come and to heal Lazarus. But Lazarus died before Jesus came to Bethany. In fact, Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days when Jesus came to the tomb. When Mary meets Jesus, she is weeping (v 33) – my NIV bible says the Greek word used for weeping when Mary wept meant a wailing. Yet, in verse 35, the Greek word for “wept” when Jesus wept means a quiet weeping or shedding tears. Scripture teaches us that Jesus knows the thoughts of those around him ( ^“Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?” Luke 5:22; ^“But Jesus knew what they were thinking” Luke 6:8). Jesus not only heard Mary's wailing on the outside, He knew Mary’s heart and what was in her thoughts. He silently wept at her pain. Did you know dear ladies, that Jesus has compassion on your pain and your grieving? He does.

And what does Jesus do out of his compassion? He raised Lazarus from the dead (John 11:43).

There was a time before Lazarus when Jesus had compassion for a grieving family member. In Luke 7:11-17, the story is told of Jesus having compassion on a widow who is in a funeral procession for her only son. Verse 13 says “When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, ‘Don't cry.’” (NIV). The King James version says He “had compassion on her.” The word for compassion which is used here is splagcnivzomai, which is used of Jesus and the Good Samaritan (Luke 10: 25-37). This compassion is a compassion of action and involvement. It is not just kind words. Jesus cares and He’s got a plan of action. For the widow of Nain, He restored her son’s life – He raise him from the dead. This resurrection also showed Jesus’ compassion and his power over death.

Dear friend, Jesus has compassion on you – He hears and sees your pain. He has a plan for you and for your life. Know that He is a God of compassion and of action. He is good. His plan is good. “Jesus wept.” You may be in the midst of your grieving and praying for God to restore life to that precious life lost. Know that Jesus is there having compassion on You. Remember that He bottles up your tears (Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. NLT ). He has a plan. Look to Him.

Please be assured that one day, you too, will find this truth to be clear from the pain He has allowed in your life – I thank Him daily for this truth from 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I am praying for you, dear ladies, as you are grieving. I pray you are seeing the character of Christ through His Word and are leaning on His Word and on Christ – the true anchored hope.

But Jesus Stayed

Earlier this week I was reading the story of Jesus’ death on the cross to our four year old son. I am loving this preschool Bible entitled The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every story whispers his name by Sally Lloyd-Jones. As I was reading from this Bible, I came across the words “but Jesus stayed.” I have had difficulty this week getting that phrase out of my mind. Here was the Lord who had created the entire world – the entire universe – and He stayed and endured the cross because He loved me - He loved you.

Jesus – who was without sin – let himself be shamed and cursed and flogged and sent to the cross – He gave up His intimate relationship with God the Father while on the cross. He took my punishment for my sin – He took your punishment for your sin. He stayed.

When the Roman soldiers mocked Him and made Him a crown of thorns and put a robe on Him – He stayed. When they whipped him and cursed Him – He stayed. When they nailed Him to the cross, He stayed. He did more than just stay – He said “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) He could have rescued Himself. He could have called a legion of angels to rescue Him. He could have made it all stop. But He stayed.

What made Him stay? “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. He stayed. He stayed because His love for you and for me was more than the pain. And the pain was pain that you and I cannot even imagine. And yet, He stayed.

I encourage you right now to praise the Lord Jesus for staying – He did it for you. Here is a song that touches my heart – It’s called “At the Cross” – spend some time right now at the cross – pondering that the Lord Jesus stayed on that cross for you – and give Him glory for the power He has over death. Praise Him this Good Friday.

At the Cross by Hillsong

Verse 1:

Oh Lord You’ve searched me,

You know my way;

Even when I fail You,

I know You love me.

Your holy presence

Surrounding me

In every season,

I know You love me;

I know You love me.

Chorus: 

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

Verse 2:

You go before me,

You shield my way,

Your hand upholds me;

I know You love me.

Chorus: 

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

Chorus: 

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

Bridge: 

You tore-------(torn) the veil 

You made a------(the) way

When You said that it is done x2

Verse 3:

And when the earth fades,

Falls from my eyes,

And You stand before me,

I know You love me;

I know You love me.

Chorus: 

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

Chorus: 

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave

Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now?

Bridge: 

You tore-------(torn) the veil 

You made a------(the) way

When You said that it is done x4

Holding onto Hope

One of my favorite books to offer to ladies who have a loss is "Holding onto Hope." by Nancy Guthrie (check out her website here). Nancy looks at the book of Job to see how God would have us grieve. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to look deeply at God's Word for healing and for walking the path of grief. Today I found a Joni Erickson Tada show that focussed on Nancy and her husband's losses in two babies who were born with a fatal disorder which causes babies to live less than one year of life. I highly recommend viewing this Joni and Friends show here. When at that website, click on "Episodes and offers" - then scroll down and click on "Holding Onto Hope with David and Nancy Guthrie, then click on "watch full episode" on the left. It's a 28 minute show highlighting how God carried them through very hard trials in their losses. I highly recommend her book. She has other books on her website that interest me - I'm thinking about ordering the "One Year of Hope" Devotional. Make sure to have a box of tissues close when viewing the show. It's very touching and emotional (for me, but I'm a very emotional gal).

If you've got time, I also viewed the Joni and Friends which features the story of Joni Erickson Tada. Her life is such a model of taking a very hard trial and using that trial to bring forth good for others. It's inspiring and challenging to me. Very worth a viewing.

I am praying for you today as you grieve. Remember to take time for yourself and to give yourself little perks. Grieving loss is hard. Do something nice for yourself today. Paint your toe nails. Get that latte you're craving Get a springy new shirt. I'm not telling you to break your budget - just find some little things to perk yourself up.

I'd like to leave you with a scripture to ponder - God's Word is healing balm to a hurting heart. Good night. Nicole

The LORD is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD, do not abandon
those who search for you.
Psalm 9:9-10

Genesis 22

Good morning dear ladies. I am praying for you this morning. Today I am going to post something I wrote after our 3rd loss, which was in 2005. I pray the writing ministers to your hurting heart today. God's Word is active and alive for you today - May His Word be healing balm to your hurting heart today. If you would like to read the entire Genesis 22 passage online, you may read it here.

I have often marveled at the Biblical account in Genesis 22 of Abraham being asked by God to sacrifice his beloved, long awaited son, Isaac. As I read it at the time of this writing, I am in the midst of a third pregnancy loss – a third precious baby I will not meet until I get to heaven. In a sense, the third Isaac I’ve had to sacrifice.

As I read Genesis 22, I am amazed that after God’s request, Abraham promptly and immediately obeys – verse three says “Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey.” How quick am I to obey in the hard things in life? Abraham’s example is humbling and challenging to me.

When I look at the great effort Abraham’s obedience took, I am humbled. Abraham himself cut the wood on which his son would be sacrificed (v3). He, Isaac, and two servants (v3) traveled for three days (v4). Obedience was not only an emotional action, it took much physical preparation.

Verse four tells us that Abraham said to his servants to stay with the donkey while he and Isaac go to worship. He tells them “we will worship and then we will come back to you” (my emphasis). Abraham had faith that God would make a way to fulfill His promise to Abraham from Genesis seventeen. Abraham trusted God’s word and obeyed even when God’s request appeared contradictory to God’s promise to Abraham in making a great nation through the line of Isaac. Abraham trusted God’s plan.

I continue reading in Genesis 22 that Abraham built the alter, arranged the wood, and bound his son and lay him on the alter. It overwhelms me with his obedience. He takes out his knife to slay his son. Abraham was fully directed towards total obedience in a very difficult request.

Chapter 22 continues with God sending an angel who exclaims “Abraham! Abraham! Do no lay a hand on Isaac.” Abraham immediately saw God’s purpose in His request in this situation. Although God’s purposes for our trials are usually not immediate, God still requires obedience of me. 1Samuel 15:22-23 says:

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

God sees our hearts and expects a heart of obedience to Him. The act of obedience (perhaps sacrificing) is the action, but God looks at the heart in the action.

As I reflect on my heart and actions, I am convicted of four questions come out of Genesis 22:

1. Do I immediately obey?
2. Do I take great effort to obey?
3. Do I trust in God’s plan, especially when it seems in opposition to my plan? Do I trust in God’s plan when it seems in opposition to what I imagine His plan will be?
4. Am I prepared to make the hard sacrifice?

The account of Abraham is a humbling, yet healing example for me as I mourn the recent loss of our baby. Romans 8:32 says “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” God gave his Son, Jesus Christ, to give us the hope of eternal life. And as I reflect on that great promise, I am reminded that I have at least three precious children whom I will one day meet in heaven. In the meanwhile, I put aside those earthly hopes and dreams for those children, and I look forward to the day I will meet them in heaven.

November 2005

Little One

Here is a poem I wrote out of my grief for one of our little ones who went to be with the Lord. I thought I'd share it with you.

Little One

Little one, I long to hold and to see
You've been taken to eternity.

Little one, time will not erase,
How I long to kiss your face.

Little one, as time goes by
And sometimes I just sit and cry,

I look to God - He has a plan
And your name & mine are engraved on His hand.

Little one, I will sit and pray
And ask God to help me through each day.

Little one, you will always be,
A special part of our family.

Little one, I cannot wait
To see you again, at Heaven's gate.

But until then, I will cherish the memory,
Little one, of when you were here with me.

Nicole

I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.
Isaiah 49:15-16

The poem was inspired by a drawing by my friend Alice - if you'd like to view this beautiful drawing of hands with Isaiah 49:15-16 Bible verse, you can find it here.